Disclaimer: I don’t recommend lying. It’s wrong and it’s risky. You’ll feel bad about it, depending on how much of a conscience you have, and the more you do it, the greater the chance someone’s going to catch you. That being said, if you’re going to lie… do it well.

I’ve had lots of people tell me that I’m a bad liar, but only in situations where I wasn’t trying to conceal the fact that I was lying.

Let’s say that I went over to my co-worker’s computer, typed the word “PENIS” in giant, bold letters, and turned his monitor off. When he comes back from the bathroom, he’ll turn his monitor back on, and then boom, there it is.

He walks into the room, and I have an obviously giddy, guilty look on my face. “What did you do?” I say “Nothing” but he knows better, and can sense that I’m lying. He immediately knows I did some prank to his computer, probably having to do with crude genitalia humor.

Doing things like this gives me the reputation of being a poor liar, unable to hide my emotions. The truth is the opposite: I am beyond expertly capable of hiding my emotions, choosing which emotions to show, if any at all, to whoever I want, for whatever purpose I want.

I rarely ever lie, and usually do it in other people’s defense to get them out of whatever trouble they’re in. Honestly. But one thing that helps me maintain a reputation as a very perpetually honest person, is my little bits and pieces thrown here and there giving people the indication that when I’m trying to conceal something, it’s painfully obvious to everyone who’s looking at me.

Pretending you’re a bad liar helps you seem more honest, even if you are honest, and don’t lie at all for personal gain, ever.

If you do lie for personal gain, well, it should be pretty obvious why this is useful.

One thing you should not do is brag about how good of a liar you are. That’s pretty much the opposite of the advice I’m giving you here. People hear that and immediately start to think, “Well, if he’s telling me he’s a good liar, how do I know when he’s going to lie to me?” Just because you’re letting them in on this little secret of yours right now doesn’t mean you aren’t going to lie to them later.

As in, don’t write blog posts about how to lie effectively. Nobody will believe a word you say.

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