My old roommate and I wrote these on a small magnetic dry-erase board and stuck it to the wall in our apartment.
My handwriting is atrocious, so here are the rules of gayness we made up:
(1) It’s not gay if you’re wearing socks.
(2) It’s not gay if you don’t come twice.
(3) It’s not gay if you chant “straight” in your head.
(4) It’s not gay if one of you is wearing a wig.
(5) It’s not gay if you’re underwater or in space.
(6) It’s not gay if you aren’t wearing your glasses or contacts.
(7) It’s not gay if it’s opposite day.
(8) It’s not gay if it’s more than five guys at once, because at that point it’s more technically classified as an orgy.
(9) It’s not gay if today is any holiday worldwide.
[This became a constant running joke. He and I would text each other with the most preposterous bullshit like, “Today is International Civil Aviation Day” or “The first Saturday in August is National Mustard Day in Indonesia.”]
(10) It’s not gay if your mom doesn’t know about it.
(11) It’s not gay if you tense up. “If you’re all loose while some guy is in your asshole, THAT’S gay.”